Huumorit
Moderaator: Moded
-
jukutom
Teema algataja - Postitusi: 395
- Liitunud: 05 Aug 2004, 15:28
- Asukoht: Kose Vabariik Harjumaal/Nike, Adidas ja Salamander
- Kontakt:
Läks mees kord baar stressi maandama ja jõi enese nii pilgeni,et oksendas liigse kraami välja ning õnnetul kombel uue pintsaku peale.Istus siis kurva näoga oma laua taga kuni baari sulgemiseni.Käis kelner mitu korda meelde tuletamas,et baari sulgemise aeg juba ammu möödas,kuid mees ei liikunud,kurtis vaid oma muret:
"No vaata,kallis kaim,kuhu ma sedasi lähen,uus kuub ära rikutud,raha ei ole,kodus naine kuri..."
Kelneril hakkas mehest kahju ning pistis talle 10 dollarit taskusse,ise õpetas:
"Ütle naisele,et üks baarikülastaja koperdas mööda ja oksendas su täis,aga jättis 10 dollarit keemilise puhastuse jaoks!"
Mees muidugi rõõmus,tänas kombekalt nind tatsas koju.Kodus rääkiski naisele loo ära,võttis taskust 10 dollarit,andis naisele ja ulatas ka pintsaku,unustades ära,et ta enese 10 dollarit mustade päevade raha seal taskus vedeleb.Ja ega see asi siis naisele märkamatuks jäänud:
"Aga ma leidsin su taskust veel 10 dollarit!?"
"Aa,naisuke,ma unustasin ütlemata,et üks teine mees sittus mulle veel püksi ka..."
"No vaata,kallis kaim,kuhu ma sedasi lähen,uus kuub ära rikutud,raha ei ole,kodus naine kuri..."
Kelneril hakkas mehest kahju ning pistis talle 10 dollarit taskusse,ise õpetas:
"Ütle naisele,et üks baarikülastaja koperdas mööda ja oksendas su täis,aga jättis 10 dollarit keemilise puhastuse jaoks!"
Mees muidugi rõõmus,tänas kombekalt nind tatsas koju.Kodus rääkiski naisele loo ära,võttis taskust 10 dollarit,andis naisele ja ulatas ka pintsaku,unustades ära,et ta enese 10 dollarit mustade päevade raha seal taskus vedeleb.Ja ega see asi siis naisele märkamatuks jäänud:
"Aga ma leidsin su taskust veel 10 dollarit!?"
"Aa,naisuke,ma unustasin ütlemata,et üks teine mees sittus mulle veel püksi ka..."
Ei ole olemas tigedaid inimesi, on hoopis vähe huumorit!
-
max666
)
http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/flv ... ue&fs=true
kui palju nalja Tallinnas veel saaks...
kui palju nalja Tallinnas veel saaks...
SAQU
WR400F
Opinions are like assholes – everybody has one.
WR400F
Opinions are like assholes – everybody has one.
-
efendi
- Mode
- Postitusi: 969
- Liitunud: 23 Dets 2004, 17:12
- Tsikkel: KTM
- Asukoht: Tartu
- Tänanud: 6 korda
- Tänatud: 24 korda
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging! his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost".
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging! his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost".
i am not totally useless, i can be used as a bad example.
Kes mett teeb, see mett sööb!
Kes mett teeb, see mett sööb!
Otsisin ühte lehte ja leidsin parima error message mida mina olen näinud 
On küll väheke deprsessiivne tegelane, kuid samas pole ma ühtegi veateadet niikaua lugenud 
ERROR
On küll väheke deprsessiivne tegelane, kuid samas pole ma ühtegi veateadet niikaua lugenud ERROR
Yamaha YZF 750 R ´94
http://www.hunta.ee
http://www.hunta.ee
-
simp
- Postitusi: 1782
- Liitunud: 27 Aug 2006, 23:25
- Tsikkel: sv1000n
- Asukoht: Tallinn
- Tänanud: 122 korda
- Tänatud: 192 korda
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls it by a clever name and so I decided to call mine Sex.
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer I was so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog!!!!!"
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer I was so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog!!!!!"
On ju arusaadav, et valimised tulemas ja igasugu debiilikuid jõuab avalikkuse ette. Mida on veenvalt ka tõestanud peaaegu iga erakonna kuldsuud teabeportaalide kaudu. Aga... on olemas ka tase, mida ei ületa niipea ei ühe ega teise poliitilise poole vaimuhiiglased.
http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/a ... d=14498308
PS! Ja ärge enam öelge, et rollerifoorumis on suurim emakeele puudujääk vabariigis. See pole enam ammu nii
http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/a ... d=14498308
PS! Ja ärge enam öelge, et rollerifoorumis on suurim emakeele puudujääk vabariigis. See pole enam ammu nii
kus viga näed laita, seal mine ja hakka mölisema
Ma arvan, et su lugu pole veel päris lõppenud... see võiks ju jätkuda umbes nii...simp kirjutas:Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls it by a clever name and so I decided to call mine Sex...
... and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog!!!!!"
"Listen doc, you don't quite understand my situation here... I've had Sex since my childhood. She was very nice dog! Really! But now... I'm desperate. I'm looking for Sex in my dreams – even if I'm awake, I can't forget her! I have two nice young daughters. They are very kind and are looking for Sex too. Should I find a new relationship, new Sex with them?
ja kes jätkab..?
kus viga näed laita, seal mine ja hakka mölisema
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errorcode12
- Postitusi: 168
- Liitunud: 20 Juun 2006, 20:41
- Asukoht: Tallinn
http://break.com/index/german_cop_crash ... _bike.html
arvatavasti oli sportgaas
aga muidu tore tüng mendile
arvatavasti oli sportgaas
aga muidu tore tüng mendile
NSR125R,RMZ250,RMZ450,LTR450,XV535,CBR600RR,GSXR600,650ieGARDA,650ie
-
oldmoped
- Postitusi: 2418
- Liitunud: 02 Sept 2004, 10:42
- Tsikkel: Misasi see veel on?
- Asukoht: Läänemaa
- Kontakt:
Midagi, mis tuleks teha foorumisse registreerumisel kohustuslikuks vaatamiseks:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/posting.php
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/posting.php
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